I have days where the littlest reminder makes me resent my hearing loss. Most days, I just brush it off and go about life. I mean, I can't change it. However, I have yet to figure out just how to do I identify myself. Am I deaf? Am I hard of hearing? Am I hearing impaired?
According to the government, I am hearing impaired. That's what my parents told me growing up. In deaf culture, hard of hearing usually applies to those who have enough residual hearing to be able to use hearing aids. That would be me. However, without my hearing aids, I hear next to nothing, only really, really loud noises. So am I deaf or hard of hearing?
My husband and I had a couple weekends where my hearing aid wouldn't work. It was a quiet weekend for me but frustrating for us because he didn't understand some of my signs, at least the very few I could remember. It seems like someone out there is telling us that it's time to learn and use sign language more because one son brought home a card that had the finger spelling alphabet on it. Geek (my husband) took the card, made a copy, and has been trying to learn the letters during his commute to work. So, if you see someone in the car next to you finger spelling, don't mind him. He's still learning. Because he's such a technical person (engineer), he has trouble with going from one letter to the next.
Then the local deaf group, DeafLINK, who pairs up the interpreters with the deaf people who may need their services, posted that they have sign language classes and the next session was starting soon. We went to the first class last night. Geek is definitely interested in it and I sat there thinking, why did my parents deny me access to the local deaf culture? Why didn't I know that my sister and I were not the only deaf people in this city? I don't blame my parents entirely. As I got older, I very well could have sought out more deaf people to connect with. However, I had "you are normal" pounded into my head that maybe I didn't seek out more people like me in fear that I wouldn't be accepted by that group. You know, that timeless conflict of wanting to be accepted by your peers while remaining unique.
As the class came to an end, I found myself thinking, why didn't I do this sooner? What would my life be like if I had embraced my "deafness" and sought out the comfort of a peer group in college? I didn't stay home and go to the local community college. I chose to go to WMU so that I could get away from my parents, my city, and find myself there. I look back and think, I didn't find myself there. I ran away (and got married) before I could really figure out who I am, what I wanted, where I belonged. Had I found the deaf community there, I would've changed my life completely. Perhaps in another world, another dimension (if you believe in that sort of thing).
In the meantime, I'm going to head down this path and embrace who I am and allow my hearing (loss) to be a part of who I am. And I'll start with these sign language classes.
