A little introduction to kick this off

Hi, I'm Donna. I'm deaf. Or rather, hard of hearing. But my hearing loss is so severe, it's pretty much the same as being deaf. The term that's written on all of my audiology tests is "severe bilateral hearing loss." Without my hearing aid, I can only hearing certain sounds and they have to be at like rock concert volume. With my hearing aid, I can hear most normal sounds but anything high pitched or really faint (don't even try to whisper to me) but I couldn't tell you which direction they came from.

I've been deaf since birth. My parents figured it out by the time I was two and I got hearing aids at 3. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't gotten hearing aids. My parents raised me and my sister (she is also deaf) to be as normal as possible. For a short period, my mom encouraged sign language and we learned the basics. My sister and mom learned enough to be able to sign a song for a church performance. After that, the novelty of signing wore off and Mom only signed certain words to us. She put us in speech therapy and talked to us like we could hear her just fine. She never said "no signing" but it wasn't exactly encouraged or used much. Heck, my Dad only knows the signs for yes, no, and stop. I know a few basics but no where enough to carry on a conversation. I wish I had learned more as a kid. Trying to pick it up as an adult is harder.

It's weird. Growing up, I wasn't aware of a deaf community in my area. I think it's pretty limited actually. The closest school for the deaf is in Lansing. My sister and I were the only deaf kids in our district at the time. At first, the principal of the elementary school we attended fought us going, saying that they didn't have the resources to handle us. My parents won that fight. Looking back, I almost wish they would've found a different school to send us to. We were so different from everyone else that we both were teased merciless. My sister used to be outgoing. Somewhere after elementary school, she withdrew and has become something of a hermit. She's just now starting to socialize more and she's nearly 40. (I'm 34 btw) I was lucky to have two great friends growing up that made high school somewhat bearable. Because my parents tried to treat us as normally as possible, I went through a period where I refused to acknowledge that I was deaf, and any time I was reminded, I hated myself.

Growing up, I always felt like I was part of the wrong community, out of place, almost like a transplanted foreigner. I used to get asked if I was from the South because of my "accent." Younger kids would tell me I talked "funny." People would get so impatient with me when I had a hard time understanding them (hey, that big ol' mustache doesn't help!). I feel stuck career-wise right now, like I should be doing more but can't because I can't seem to find an employer who would look past my hearing loss and give me a chance. It's like I don't belong in the hearing world but I know I would have a hard time in the deaf community as well because I was raised to be "hearing" not deaf.

At 34, it's a struggle. I don't want special treatment but yet I want people to understand that I can't always hear them. I want to be able to communicate with another deaf person (other than my sister) but yet I can't because I don't know sign language well enough. Watching the ABC Family series "Switched at Birth" has made me think and wonder and wish about my deafness than I ever did before. As a teenager, my one wish was to have normal hearing. As an adult, I'm torn. I still want normal hearing more so that I can hear and understand my own children (who have normal hearing) better but yet, I wish I had embraced the deaf culture more.