Am I really that hard to understand?

"Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you today?"

"I'd like a medium caramel frappe please."

"Caramel latte?"

"No, frappe."

"Ok, one caramel frappe. Anything else today?"

"No thanks."

Turn to husband. "Am I really that hard to understand?"

(being polite I'm sure) "No babe, I'm sure it's the speakers."

*sigh*

This happens a lot. I'll say something I thought I was being clear about only to get asked to repeat what I said. I've gotten the wrong order more times than I care to count. Picking up my son's prescription is a pain sometimes. His last name sounds like a girl's name so I have to spell it for them often. I find myself reverting back to speech therapy and making sure I say S correctly.

I'm sure I do myself no favors when I start talking too fast.

Sometimes I stop and think about what I just said and realize I totally butchered the pronouncation of a word and mentally slap myself upside the head Gibbs-style. When I realize I can't say a simple word right, I feel stupid. College-educated and I can't pronounce words correctly. I always wonder what some of the men I had met via online before my husband thought of me when they meet me in person. I probably come across as articulate online when I type and man, oh man, I sound like a stupid person when I speak. Thankfully, my husband looked past that.

But I wonder how many of them thought "she talks weird." I wonder how many of my kids' classmates think I talk funny. I've gone on many field trips with my boys' classes. Almost every time, there was at least one that said "you talk funny." 7 year olds are brutally honest. And they turn into mean little 10 year olds. And this 34 year old still smarts when she hears "you talk funny." It still stings. It still takes me back to 5th grade when my classmates stopped being accepting and started to mock me. It still takes me back to an old boyfriend making fun of my speech. It still reminds me of the boy I used to have a crush on imitate me in a such a cruel way that I stopped trying to fit in at my school. And it hurts even more to realize that your own child didn't understand you.

Every now and then, I just want to scream at people and ask them "am I really that hard to understand?"