... except when that's all you ever hear.
Without my hearing aid, I cannot hear anything except for the loudest noises.
For my exes, it meant I didn't complain about their snoring at night. I have heard them snore before. One was loud, the other was just annoying. I'm glad I wasn't able to hear them.
But it also meant I didn't hear my son when he got sick in the middle of the night. Or when he had a nightmare. Or when my other son wet the bed and was upset about it. I didn't hear them crying. When they physically woke me up, mommy guilt laid heavily on me. Now that they're older, I hope they understand why I didn't hear them but when they were 5 and 6 and I was living alone, I don't know if they truly understood why Mom wasn't there right away.
Sure, I could've slept with my hearing aid on. Except that I'm not used to hearing noises while I sleep so every little thunk that I picked up kept me up. And if I rolled over and laid on my right side, the hearing aid produced feedback when pressed up against the pillow. That's annoying. Then add in the horrible ear infections I got when they were babies and I just could NOT not sleep without it in. I can get by on little sleep but not broken sleep.
So I did my best. I told my boys if they needed me, do not hesitate to come get me. I'll get up and be there for them in a heartbeat. But each time I get woken up by one of them, I still feel incredibly guilty for not being able to hear them when they need me.
Thankfully, today, my husband is understanding and will wake me if he hears either one. And as much as it pains me, I'm grateful that they're getting older and less likely to wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare or being sick.
And this time, he's not a snorer so there's no snoring to block out.
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